1000 Clues You’ve Been Playing Civilization III Too Much

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-THREAD: 1000 Clues you’ve been playing Civilization 3 too much
Started at Oct 03, 2002 07:48 AM by King_Lewis
Visit at http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?threadid=33370

1 – You secured your next-door neighbors’ cat to trade its furs to your other neighbor for his two kids (workers) to start your empire.

2 – When you start building The Pyramids in your back yard.

3 – When you find yourself becoming too attached with another Civ, and they declare war- you start to cower in a corner crying.

4 – You actually get worried when you realize that the US and UK tanks in Iraq might face Iraqis with spears.

5 – And you’re pretty sure that student in Tiananmen Square must have had one.

6 – You go three cubicles toward your supervisor’s office and ask a fellow employee to go into “sentry” mode so you can detect enemy movement.

7 – You build a library in your back yard so that you can try to culture-flip your neighbors’ yards to you.

8 – You declare war on your neighbor when he keeps sending his troops in your territory (his dog in your yard).

9 – You notice your family size is 2 shields towards building a settler.

10 – You look at your car and wonder if it’s worth the 20 gold to upgrade it.

11 – When a friend asks for a small loan, you ask for his World Map in return.

12 – When camping you start counting tiles between you and the other campsites before you put up your tent.

13 – You cut down the tree in the yard so you can get the bonus shield toward your home improvement project.

14 – When I buy some woman a drink but she refuses to see my envoy….

15 – When you see an old, empty house, you explore it hoping for a free tech/settler/warrior, and then get mugged by the tramps using it as their home.

16 – You go out for a boat ride and you’re afraid that your boat will sink 30 feet from shore.

17 – You tell someone your diplomatic state has gone to “polite” to “annoyed” because he doesn’t trade with you.

18 – Napoleon appears out of nowhere when you win an elite fight at the bar.

19 – You have recurring erotic dreams with the bald Joan of Arc.

20 – When driving through the country, you begin evaluating terrain for city placement (“no, wait, not there…that is definitely a BONUS grassland”….”ooooo, look over there at that prime flood plain wheat field”……”COOL! Look at that coal mine!!! OMG…is that IRON also?????? WHOHOOOOOO!”

21 – Like the CIV leaderheads, you have your own outfits that correspond with the Era you are playing.

22 – You find a renewed interest in the storied history of the Zulu.

23 – You get a thrill from your CFC post total and post-per-day average, or if you actually threw a party when you attained 300.

24 – You actually know Lt. Killer’s birthday.

25 – You scoff at the History Channel:

“How can these shows ignore the historical significance of Culture Flipping!!”
“No, no, that is not right. David had a spear, and Goliath was in a tank.”
“No, the Kursk was not sunk by an onboard explosion!?! It was a Chechen galley, stupid!”

26 – Every mention of the word civilization takes you back. Even on a bare mention on CNN! (It’s driving me nuts, really.)

27 – You are no longer “proud to be an American” simply because they have a sucky Unique Unit.

28 – You refuse to go work and skulk around the house, mumbling “It’s way too crowded…”

29 – You can pronounce and spell, in order of appearance, all of the Aztec and Zulu cities…..from memory.

30 – You offer your world map and 5 gold per turn for a bottle of wine.

31 – You can recite, in greater detail than the README.TXT, every single change (disclosed and undisclosed) in each Civ3 patch to date, and are prepared to argue the perceived merits and disadvantages of each.

32 – You have a kid (or pet) named Sid.

33 – You’ve ever reached the upper limit on the number of cities.

34 – You’ve ever had two great leaders at one time, or lost four modern armors to a 1 HP rifleman. 😉

35 – You have modded Deity level to make it harder.

36 – You have your statistics/probability textbook in your lap when surfing this forum.

37 – Specially for students: When you pass an exam with a 9 out of 10 you say you achieved a conquest victory, but when you pass it with a 5 after the revision, you say you achieved a diplomatic victory.

38 – You begin to believe the UN is useful.

39 – When you open a history book and realize the Egyptians built the Pyramids thousands of years ago, you wonder if should restart so your nationality can get them first.

40 – When everything is going fine for you, you say: “I’m in my Golden Age”

41 – You demand to your boss to be paid “per shield” instead of “per hour”. (Especially for those of you who play all day at work!)

42 – You fortify in your recently constructed yard to prevent it from flipping to your neighbor’s.

43 – You write in your history test that the Romans contacted the Iroquois and actually fought them in 1050 ad…

44 – You fight with your neighbors constantly in hope of getting a great leader so you can rush that Pyramid in your backyard.

45 – You starve your 4 kids down to one cuz they are being un-ruley.

46 – You are convinced that Atlantis is still an existing Civilization. They have a galley still floating around the ocean with one settler and Elvis.

47 – You wake up in a hospital and vaguely recall walking into a bar, seeing a group of marines, and shouting “hey, you guys are useless!”.

48 – You “declare war” on someone you don’t like and stay all day inside his yard (borders) hoping his democracy topples and he has to switch to communism.

49 – You begin to think that the Palestinians could defeat the Israeli Tanks if they used spears

50 – Instead of asking a girl: “Do you want to go out with me?”, you say “Would you like to sign a RoP with me?”

51 – You piss someone off and wonder how long it will take for him/her to forget…1500, 3000 years??

52 – When a girl declares war on you after you ask to see her “world map”.

53 – If you hear someone entering your house in the middle of the night and you start to get worried, you enter your fortified stance.

54 – You are puzzled when you see a small town that has a university but no library.

55 – You think that if you set up a marketplace in your backyard you will increase your income by 50%.

56 – You wonder why countries that have grown tired of war before didn’t just build a lot of police stations.

57 – In social studies/history class, when you have to describe the Universal Suffrage, you say “it lowers war weariness.”

58 – If you one day realize that you do miss Zouave……

59 – If you can predict the combat calculators results for 2 HP left for vet Spearman defending in a metropolis on a hill against an attacking elite Cavalry across a river to the decimal.

60 – You capture all of the little kids in the neighborhood and have them build the Great Pyramids in your yard.

61 – You think Catherine the Great is hot.

62 – You conduct a spy mission of propaganda at your neighbor’s house hoping it will join your culture.

63 – You create a stack of doom with plastic miniature soldiers.

64 – You begin talking rubbish about building a spaceship to fly to Alpha Centauri so you can achieve a spaceship victory.

65 – You convince the police officer that you had a higher movement rate than the other cars.

66 – You suddenly start launching fireworks over your house claiming WLTKD!

67 – When you’re really mad at your boss, you light a small fire in your garbage, hoping he’ll see the smoke and realize you are unhappy.

68 – You buy a place to live and later get upset that there is a pile of Iron just outside your property and you can’t go back and pick a different house.

69 – Something really bad happens to you in your personal life and you look for the reload option.

70 – You walk into your bathroom and imaging seeing Elizabeth taking a milk bath.

71 – You call the city to tell them that there is not 512 houses on your block.

72 – You build a harbor in your backyard where the pool used to be at and wonder where to get ivory.

73 – You sign an MPP with your neighbor.

74 – You build a palace in the master bedroom and hope that soon your backyard will be bigger than your neighbor’s.

75 – You wake up, with bad circumstances, and try to “change” it by going back to sleep to reload.

76 – You insist that you can let your kids only have 1 food a day.

77 – The kids throw your civ into revolt daily.

78 – You keep giving Montezuma gifts in the hope that he’ll send the virgins round to your place rather than sacrifice them.

79 – You spend half the night monitoring this thread…

80- You turn your kitchen into a granary so your family will grow faster.

81 – You try to find CMT and look whether your neighbor is still alive or not.

82 – You make your kid break into your neighbor’s house to steal his world map.

83 – You talk to a cute chick and she tells you that “I’d rather burn in hell than give in to your demands!” and her name is Catherine.

84 – You have a Modern Armor as your escort because you fear the Greek Hoplite will attack you.

85 – You order your kids to build RRs around your house so you can have frictionless movement.

86 – You shout, “We grow tired of your insolence. Prepare for WAR!” when the same guy cuts you off in traffic twice.

87 – Below your wife’s face, it says “annoyed”.

88 – Your kids say, “Stop the aggression against the mother country!” when you cook dinner instead of mom.

89 – After 20 turns you call up the actual UN and ask why there hasn’t been a vote.

90 – You start building the Colossus in your backyard even though you live in the Midwest.

91 – You ask your neighbor who served in the war if he was a conscript, regular, veteran, or elite infantry.

92 – You pummel your kids with military troops because they’re resisting against your rule.

93 – You build an Aqueduct in your house to grow beyond pop 6.

94 – You turn your first-aid kit into a hospital to grow into a metropolitis.

95 – You went to a movie theater and saw a Modern Ages Joan look-alike in a military movie – but it wasn’t really there.

96 – You make one of your family members become an entertainer so you have increased happiness in your household.

97 – You look in an almanac and look at each country’s government and start thinking all the monarchy and communist countries must be warmongers.

98 – You believe spearmen really win against modern armor so you try it out.

99 – You win.

100 – You’re currently waiting for a real life multiplayer expansion pack so that you can venture outside your own home.

101 – You’re obsessed with always being honest so that you don’t ruin your reputation.

102 – You hire a foreign advisor to tell you everything about other people that you’ve met.

103 – You actually try to order The Great Books from amazon.com.

104 – you tell your girlfriend she won’t be getting a birthday gift because a rival spy sabotaged the production.

105 – You are searching the net for a better graphics package for your life.

106 – It distresses you to realize that a trip on a “real” railroad actually takes up some time.

107 – You can’t understand how the city you live in gets by as there are no mines anywhere!

108 – You instantly want to attack anyone wearing white.

109 – You offer your neighbor your world map and 40 gold for him to teach you ‘Computers’.

110 – You understand every joke on this list 😉

111 – If you decide the only way you can bring happiness into the house and end the revolt is if you buy more luxuries, specifically wines, furs or gems!

112 – You sit all day in your dumpy apartment waiting for someone to tell you that you can upgrade your “Palace”. Pretty soon their going to have to make this “the 2000 clues…”

113 – Your next-door neighbor is getting a pool for summer, you consider it as a great wonder and you sabotage the production. So you are culturally superior to the enemy.

114 – You know you’ll have to pay your rent in 2 turns because your calendar works in turns….

115 – When you rename the city you have just moved in by changing all the signs at the entry of the city.

116 – You don’t want friends that are Zulu because you think they are more likely to backstab you.

117 – You just want your female friends to be French.

118 – You don’t work too hard at the job because you don’t want to cause pollution….

119 – You think that in real life you would have 50 % of chance of surviving a nuclear attack.

120 – You think that when the US finished the Manhattan project it gave the secret to the nuclear weapon to all civs on Earth including Peru, Tuvalu, Ethiopia, Thailand, and even Vatican…

121 – You think South Africa rule the world because Koffi Annan is the president of the UN.

122 – You think you home will expand if you watch jeopardy.

123 – You start to think that maybe George Bush is going to war for WORLD DOMINATION.

124 – When you buy/have a second apartment and you start referring to it as your Forbidden Palace.

125 – You remove all the unnecessary keys from your keyboard – that is the ones not needed for playing civ3.

126 – You had to send your CIV III CD to Firaxis in the USA because it cracked and your addiction has got you to shake, sweat and not sleeping (real).

127 – You watch a program about the Alaskan tundra, see a river running through the tundra and think: “Hmm, well that’s one extra gold, at least”. Happened to me last night…

128 – You try reading the civ3 manual for the first time

129 – You shout at the computer screen when an AI civ does something you didn’t expect.

130 – You think babies come from airdrop mission not from a tall white bird.

131 – You sign a RoP with your neighbor.

132 – You force your kids to stand on the border of your property 24/7 to prevent him to land his forces there.

133 – You hunt the forum for a graphic mod pack that will put smiley faces on single women for easier recognition

134 – You try swapping world maps with your neighbor every day so you can instantly see where the barb camp in your yard is.

135 – When your tax form arrives you starve your wife to prevent unhappiness and civil disorder.

136 – You tie your kids together to form an army.

137 – You pay your friends to fight the neighbor you dislike, but when they start to beat him up you quickly make peace and let them do the dirty work.

138 – You tell your neighbor that you “demand tribute from inferior civilizations” and then ask for salt and pepper.

139 – You call the police to monitor corruption under your own roof.

140 – Your kids celebrate WLTK when you don’t waste their toys.

141- You turn from “furious” to “cautious” when your wife brings you a present, especially after a fight.

142 – Your wife is “annoyed” if you refuse to give her gifts.

143 – You refuse to do any worthwhile work and indulge in petty embezzlement on the grounds that you live more than 200 miles from your capital city.

144 – You’ve ever reloaded 1,000 times on one battle to prove the Random Number Generator isn’t cheating.

145 – You’ve ever circumnavigated a huge map with a Galley.

146 – You fear that China and Cuba will one day take over the world…. it seems obvious, Communism sucks except for warmongering.

147 – Your getting low on food so you give the kids rakes and tell them to start irrigating the back yard.

148 – When you divide your house and land into grids with paint so you can build your next town in a good spot.

149 – You have divided your day into 3rds Eats/Civ3/Sleep and then repeat.

150 – You find skulls littering your back yard because you haven’t tidied up in a while.

151 – You go to your “life editor” to see about changing your starting funds to 1,000,000.

152 – You’ve added more than 200 spaces to your unit_32.pcx

153 – You’ve spent hours studying the Atlas, trying to learn new strategies from different countries’ actual city placement.

154 – You think nuclear war is cool.

155 – You can travel from Spain to the end of Russia in less than a day by train…..

156 – You are certain that execs from WorldCom, Tyco, Enron, etc. have been caught because America is currently celebrating WLTPD.

157 – When you try to come up with 1000 clues on that you play Civ3 too much.

158 – When you start thinking in turns instead of minutes. And the time seems to go faster in the morning.

159 – You’ve ever said “Just one more turn” at 11PM and ended-up going to bed at 3AM.

160 – You went out and bought a new kitchen table simply because you didn’t have one big enough to play Civilization: The Board Game.

161 – Your monitor has a perfect isometric grid of fingerprints on it.

(See satchel’s post from the “Do you use Grids?” thread 😆 :
Quote originally posted by satchel:
“….I noticed recently that there was an isometric grid of little round fingerprints all around the center of my screen. At first I couldn’t figure out why the pattern was so regular but then I realized – I’d been counting off squares for city placement by tapping on the screen. :crazyeye:” )

162 – It takes you a year to walk through your backyard to your neighbor’s house.

163 – If you walk along the road, it still takes a year to walk down three doors.

164 – You suggest to your neighbors that all roads should be replaced by rail so you can move instantly from place to place.

165 – You eat more when you want to have a baby.

166 – When Bush asks Saddam for his territory map.

167 – You set up fort along your fence and stare into your very friendly “Polite” neighbors backyard… just in case!!

168 – Instead of walking on the sidewalk you walk directly on the road thinking that you will travel 3x faster.

169 – There’s a stranger in your backyard and instead of kicking him out, you watch him for a little while.

170 – While driving in the country, you look at a mountain and think… “I’d be invulnerable up there!”

171 – This is a true story: I went out and bought a new PC 1.4 GHz AMD so I could play Huge map maximum Civs.

172 – You argue with a friend that today’s armies are made up of Swordsmen and Knights because they can’t be upgraded.

173 – Your Limited Edition tin box is prominently displayed at your home.

174 – You have actually watched the “making of” Limited Edition bonus CD.

175 – You actually think Sid is a good pianist…

176 – You start listening to the CivIII music even when you’re not playing the game.

177 – You wonder why we still bother the worlds’ armies have more infantry than tanks. Surely everyone knows that infantry is only useful for defense?

178 – You hang plants in your house in hope that it calms those who resist/resent you for playing the game.

179 – You think darkness is THE Fog of War.

180 – You find yourself using forum acronyms in everyday use.

181 – The voices in your head have taken on the personas of your advisors.

182 – Introducing yourself to someone else, you say: “I’m militaristic and scientific”.

183 – (This is for the US folks): You tell Bush to sell all the Coal plants because you already have Hoover Dam in your continent.

184 – You bother to find out the time all the cultural improvements in your city were built, and then calculate your city’s total cultural value. If it exceeds 20’000, you claim that Cultural victory should be enabled.

185 – You wake up on Sunday morning after drinking too much last night and tell everyone not to bother you, as you are in Anarchy.

186 – You see little civ units walking around in your head when you close your eyes.

187 – You refuse to go out in your boat anymore “Until I finish the Lighthouse!”

188 – You don’t mind if your local nuclear power plant melts down because “At least we’ll still have the roads and irrigation!”

189 – You refer to your pile of bills as the “Stack of Doom”.

190 – You wonder why we dropped the A-Bomb on Hiroshima when we could have taken it with Marines and then just razed it, ensuring better destruction.

191 – You have used the add worker exploit to make a city with population 9600 (and you know who you are!!!)

192 – You wish they posted a “Game of the Hour” feature on this website.

193 – You add entries to this list one at a time so you can reach Regent level and get your personal avatar faster…

194 – You think citizens of a democracy are immune to propaganda.

195 – If for some reason a ship of your country’s army is bombarded you say: “No reason to worry, it won’t sink until another ships attacks it” 😉

196 – You are furious your country spent so much developing stealth weapons when they still can’t completely kill a lowly spearman.

197 – You see a nuclear response as something reasonable.

198 – You begin to wonder what was the problem in hitting the Chinese embassy in Sarajevo. Everybody knows that embassies can’t be damaged…

199 – You think bombarding towns with less than 10’000 people won’t cause any civil casualties.

200 – You worry that Saddam will develop spearmen… since both bombers and tanks can’t destroy them.

201 – When your country holds elections, you say “What??? voting a new leader???!”

202 – You think that an approval rating of 90% is actually possible…

203 – When seeing a yellow Frisbee in the yard, you send all your kids out with shovels to “clean the pollution”.

204 – You’ve read over 200 hints that you play Civ3 too much, and you can still think of plenty of indications.

205 – You think that the ultimate answer to the Earth’s overpopulation problems is stacks.

206 – You rented the movie “A.I.” thinking it was a documentary about how bad the computer players in Civ3 are. You couldn’t have imagined that the movie would actually be worse.

207 – You go to the chat with Firaxis that is in 1 hour and 40 minutes…

208 – You have this thread address memorized!

209 – You remember all the unit stats from Civ1

210 – You have utilized every smilie available on CivFanatics at least once.

211 – You have Civ wallpaper on your desktop

212 – You have Civ3 wallpaper in your living room.

213 – You’ve modded your game to add “Civilization 3” as a Modern Age tech that triples happiness and halves the productivity of workers.

214 – You go to France and wonder why everyone is not wearing pink.

215 – You know how many shields in costs to build a police station.

216 – You are in a Civ3 gang.

217 – You are a proud owner of the Civ3 Hornet G2 Leather Jacket.
Image at: http://store.civ3.com/images/prod_det_leatherjacket.gif

218 – You eat two pieces of white bread a day.

219 – You believe that you are unhappy because of your lack of Furs.

220 – You can’t understand why anyone in your house is unhappy when there are roads heading to a winery, a jeweler, a zoo, and other luxury providers.

221 – You don’t understand why it’s considered a bad thing to clear out rainforests and jungles in South America.

222 – You’ve almost finished building a big, ornate statue in your backyard. When you notice your neighbor just completed an identical statue, you wonder why your statue didn’t instantaneously turn into a really big wall.

223 – When making purchases, you say out loud “Hmmph… This is highway robbery, but we’ll take it.”

224 – When things are going really well for your family, your kids spontaneously build an addition to your house.

225 – You have more than 5 posts on CFC

226 – You read all of the first 225 clues, and plan on reading the next 774.

227 – You anxiously wait for the arrival of your Civ3 Hornet G2 Leather Jacket to come in the mail.

228 – You act like a hard ass and try to pick up women while wearing your Civ3 Hornet G2 Leather Jacket.

229 – You think the Americans are an ancient civilization

230 – You think that the basis of communism is that all people should be equally corrupt and wasteful in all the country’s cities.

231 – You begin to wonder why the mayor of Chernobyl didn’t prevent the nuclear incident by hiring entertainers to keep the city happy, and therefore have no chance of a meltdown.

232 – (Actually a sign you have been on internet forums too much)- When you hear something funny, you accidentally say LOL instead of laughing.

233- You start a gang that wears Civ3 Hornet G2 Leather Jackets.

234- You fail your history course, because you thought Japan conquered India, Babylon, and the Iroq lands, while building the Sistine Chapel in Tokyo.

235 – You actually believe in ancient times, people never saw Horses until they learned how to make Chariots.

236 – You actually believe that people never saw iron until they knew how to work it.

237 – Never figured out what to do with those crumbly, black rocks until you realize you can burn them in a Steam Engine.

238 – You think real communism is the one represented in civ3.

239 – You discover the difference between today’s republics and democracies.

240 – You think that democracy is really good against corruption.

241 – Your country (where ever you are) is going fine; but you panic when a new city is created because you think mass corruption will break out

242 – You actually believe the car was invented in America – after all, the civilopedia says so…….

243 – You start to believe that America has existed for more then 6000 years

244 – You start burning down horse barns to prevent barbarian uprising

245 – You train your dog to sit in your neighbors yard all day to prevent him from using those prime grasslands and out expand you.

246 – You try to overthrow your democratic government so you don’t have to work that extra 50%

247 – You finally get to the latest post in this thread and keep pressing the ‘F5′ key thinking you haven’t had enough.

248 – You write your latest addition to this thread and clicking the “Submit Reply” button shows the message “You have been denied posting privileges due to spamming. Your 2000+ posts will now be reset to 0.”

249 – You have erotic dreams about the trade advisor…

250 – You have erotic dreams about the science advisor…

251 – You press CTRL-S thinking that it’ll bring up a list to save your text document.

252 – You make a website to tell all about your latest adventures/game.

253 – You make a website of tips and strategies for Civ3.

254 – You have a printout from an award you got from some tournament/hof/Gotm finish mounted by your computer.

255 – You look at your computer’s list of recently visited websites and all you see is civfanatics.com listed 200+ times.

256 – You have 10-20 zipped folders on your desktop from graphics and utility programs you downloaded to include in your game.

257 – You change the city lists in the editor so you have several hundred unique city names for your civ instead of getting Washington 3, New Tacoma 4, etc.

258 – You throw a temper tantrum if the GOTM does not have it’s new game posted at 12:01 AM on the first day of the month.

259 – You knock yourself into a coma because you have no idea what else to do when the civfanatics forum goes down.

260 – You belong to at least 3 different civ3 forums.

261 – You never had a typing course in school, but you can hit the F, G, J, A, and all F# keys without looking at your keyboard.

262 – You have 2 spare keyboards in your house just in case the one you are using breaks

263 – Or 2 mouse (mice) for that matter. I myself have several sources within the house.

264 – You distribute the following leaflet to your neighbors:

“The best families on Elm Street:
1. The Glorious Andersons
2. The Great Kellys
3. The Fine Johnsons
4. The Mediocre Browns
5. The Puny Jones’s
6. The Pathetic Macdonalds
7. The Hopeless Smiths
8. The Forgotten Rileys”

265 – You want to know which girlfriend to marry, so you sign an MPP with both girlfriends, and one attacks you, so then you just sit down and watch while sparks fly.

266 – You think that George W is going to fly planes over your house so you install a SAM Missile Battery.

267 – You build a coastal fortress even though you live in Nevada just in case a ship bombards you.

268 – You live in fear of going to your bedroom and seeing the Domestic Advisor waiting for you…

269 – You begin to carry a gun around because the Military Advisor keeps on saying, “Compared to these guys, our military is weak!”.

270 – When you pass away, you see Joan D’ Arc burning in hell because she said, “I’d rather burn in hell than meet your demands!”.

271 – You stab the computer screen when they scale your tribute with some lame-o comment.

272 – You are so afraid to get a rep hit that you don’t even dare venture on your neighbor’s lawn.

273 – You bribe a historian to put you as the Glorious Toms.

274 – You keep on bribing neighbors even though you can’t.

275 – You repeatedly try to initiate propaganda despite that your neighbor is Democratic.

276 – You think that the Foreign Advisor is somewhat a cross-dresser.

277 – On a trip to Washington D.C., you go to the White House and start running around screaming, “That’s not the American Palace! It’s not shaped like a Central American pyramid!!” until the secret service hauls you away.

278 – You hear someone talking about a nuclear winter, and you say, “You morons, nuclear weapons cause global warming!”.

279 – You avoid using doors blocked by people because you fear of provoking wars.

280 – When fighting you stand on a chair and scream “Go ahead! I have a defense bonus!”.

281 – You look yourself in the mirror and you see a 3 month beard and a junk food belly.

282 – Your workers (kids) keep getting captured (kidnapped) by barbarians (DARPA) because you keep sending them in to establish a trade route for technology.

283 – You send your kids next door to steal chickens and annoy the women.

284 – You know the corresponding date of turn 284 off the top of your head.

285 – You are frightened by the realization that whoever has made the most listings by # 540 will win with a histograph victory, and you end up signing an alliance against SirJethro because of it.

286 – You find yourself pondering this man’s sexuality.

287 – You think it’s perfectly natural for someone to switch careers 3 times – from working for the IRS (tax collector), to scientist, to entertainer.

288 – You take your civ 3 CD everywhere with you (for safe keeping of course).

289 – You’ve read the civ3 manual more than twice.

290 – You ask payroll at work how much you’re making each turn.

291 – You spend as much time on this board as you do playing the game (I’m guilty).

292 – You modded your game so much, that you and the AI never play with any of the civs that came with the game anymore.

293 – You wish your neighbor’s wife would cultural flip to you.

294 – You think that feeding wines to your kids would actually provide a 1-food bonus.

295 – When your neighbor comes over to your lawn for a friendly visit you threaten him to leave or declare war or sign an ROP.

296 – You think about cultural expanding your fence over to you neighbor’s yard so that you can steal his flower patch.

297 – You call up the president and tell him he better ‘kick it in gear’ and start conquering the world because we only have 48 years left before we run out of time and have to take a histographic victory.

298 – You declare your household a communist government and bring out the whip to complete that home-improvement project.

299 – During a long argument with your wife/girlfriend you hold a revolution because you can no longer deal with the war weariness.

300 – You can’t understand why Ghana has not achieved global victory when Kofi Annan became UN Secretary General.

301 – When you go to fantasize about girls, 12 seconds into the fantasy you start thinking about Joan D’arc.

302 -You are trying to figure out how Bangladesh could have gotten like 150 population points in a four/five square jungle.

303- You wonder how Bombay has like 50 population points without a hospital.

304 – You refer to Marla Singer’s world map for your geography inquiries, and come to the conclusion that South Africa is the richest place in the world.

305 – You sneak into your neighbor’s house and when he catches you, you say you are establishing an embassy.

306 – The grid is burnt into your monitor.

307 – It’s not taking out the trash it’s cleaning up pollution.

308 – You refer to malt liquor as “battlefield medicine”.

309 – You hear about a civil war and don’t understand it. War among citizens of the same civ??? :confused: what is that?

310 – You write to the President telling him to move the palace because its current location is very bad to fight corruption.

311 – You ask where is the Universal Suffrage. :p

312 – More of the same: You wonder where Magellan’s Voyage was constructed.

313 – You hear about Athenian democracy and say, “hey democracy wasn’t around until the middle ages”.

314 – A night in is playing civ and a night out is going to the CFC.

315 – You think that Dragoons and Calvary are the same thing.

316 – You think infantry are not used, during the modern age.

317 – You think an attack on a city doesn’t require infantry.

318 – Your worst nightmare is you sitting in the middle of a field with a spear, and this great big tank comes over and starts shooting at you.

319 – When the teacher mentions civil disorder in class, you promptly stand up and say, “To settle that make them an entertainer!” and everybody cracks up.

320 – You try to attack your neighbor two times even though you don’t have the blitz ability.

321 – You build a Police Station in your home because you fear the men in white (barbarians).

322 – During Anarchy, you have your kids run around the house screaming like idiots and you smash glasses to imitate no control.

323 – You tell Trebek from Jeopardy that Democracy is when workers work 50% faster.

324 – You land a spot on “Kids say the Darnest Things” when you keep on telling the teacher that a unit moves only one square per turn.

325 – You keep on declaring war and reloading the game because you want to submit a cool SOTD to Thunderfall. You start at 11 AM and it’s 3 AM when you finish.

326 – You call your money “gold” instead of dollars (or whatever your money is called where you live ;))

327 – You buy a microphone for your computer for you can flirt with Joan d’ arc.

328 – To you, GhengisFarb is Hugh Heffner.

329 – When you go to foreign lands, you demand to meet with the ruler to try to sell them new technology and/or work out trades.

330 – When the retinas in year eyes have the grid permanently burned into them.

331 – When you configure your computer to start up in the Civilization startup screen instead of Windows (or other OS).

332 – You give all your neighbors your World map and 50 gold trying to get elected as UN Secretary General.

333 – You keep your civ3 disk in a very safe environment so it doesn’t break or crack.

334 – Your brothers are telling you it’s their turn, over and over and over and over 😉

335 – You name your daughter Ghandia… oh I’m sorry that’s a sign you’re a survivor fan…

336 – Instead of walking you now “go to”.

337 – Your index finger is always clicking…even when away from your computer.

338 – You legally change your name to Xerxes.

339 – Your civ3 disk has never left the disk drive since the day you bought it.

340 – Your rear end is in the exact shape of the seat of your chair.

341 – You protest the opening of a new McDonalds in your country by shouting “We can’t allow the Americans to get a culture victory!”.

342 – You refer to your Military Advisor as Moe Howard (uncanny resemblance).

343 – Looking at a map of New York you yell, “How can they achieve a population of 47 with no Wheat on a flood plain?!”.

344 – When you wear the lettering of the civ3 shortcut keys off.

345 – You go to a neighbors house, get them to write their address, full name, and phone number on a piece of paper. Then you go to your other neighbors’ houses and you tell them you’ll give them contact with so-and-so for 50 gold and their territory map.

346 – You sit on your front porch with a phone and you call the parents when their children play on the sidewalk in front of your house. The conversation starts something like, “Remove your troops now or declare war”.

347 – Your worst nightmare is you sitting in a tank about to attack the spearman sitting in the field

348 – You understand that the economy in the U.S. is bad because we are in a period of anarchy while switching from Democracy to Monarchy. This will allow King George II to pursue conquest or domination instead of the UN vote he can’t win (should have built the UN in Florida).

349 – During an argument with your wife/gf, you refuse to make up for at least six days. If you still think that you were right, you insist on gems to sweeten the deal.

350 – You need 30 seconds to remember that the bunnygirl advisors were NOT in the original package and to get the actual joke in “having erotic dreams of your domestic and science advisors”.

351 – You fall asleep with the Civ3 manual on your face, 3 hours later you get woken up by your mum recommending counseling coz you were mumbling something like, “That’s it Russia get your commie ass out of my town”. (no offence intended, in fact communism rocks)

352 – You call NASA to ask how many parts of the spaceship to Alpha Centauri they have completed.

353 – You are considering buying the Civ3 leather jacket, but find you are still too attached to your Civ2 gortex parka.

354 – You’ve ever played a full game with all victory conditions disabled…because you thought it was more realistic.

355 – You really, really miss Zouave.

356 – You consider asking Killer when you can’t find your remote control, or you’ve run out of socks. He’s always the first port of call for every other problem so why not real-life problems too?

357 – When working on a project for school or work, you try to finish it in time by whipping yourself…

358 – You get a laptop just so that you can play Civ3 while riding in your carpool.

359 – You think #358 is actually a good idea and wonder why didn’t you think of it first.

360 – Real life: You endanger your chances of earning your PhD by going on Civ3 binges instead of writing…

361 – Real life: You quit smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol because they interfere with your ability to get all those tanks to the rendezvous point…

362 – Real life: You dedicate precious minutes of your life to wondering why two people haven’t accidentally submitted the same number message to this post at the same time…

363 – Real life: You keep reading this even though most of the entries are repeats at this point and nobody complemented your earlier joke: “You refuse to go out in your new sailboat because ‘you haven’t finished the lighthouse yet'”

364 – Your kid asks you if they can take a pottery class and you say “No, you will research bronze working, dammit!”

365 – You’ve already posted a review of PTW on Amazon.com. (okay….if it’s you, raise your hand).

366 – You insist that at least one family member remain home at all times because all your neighbors always know where each family member is at all times and will sneak a horseman in and take your home if everyone is away at once.

367 – You have considered whipping one of your children to rush a temple in your home.

368 – You have declared war on your neighbor because he refused to teach you the Alphabet.

369 – You like your child Spearman better than your child Warrior, since Spearman upgrades all the way to Mech Infantry.

370 – You hear on the news about the intifada in Palestine and wonder why Israel doesn’t just rush a Cathedral there to make the people happy.

371 – You believe the reason we haven’t yet launched a spaceship to Alpha Centauri is because our scientists have not yet discovered the Laser, and therefore can’t build a Planetary Party Lounge.

372 – You believe the reason your neighbor won’t sell you uranium is because you broke that trade agreement with him 40 turns ago, even though HE attacked YOU!

373 – You don’t water your grass because you are ‘still in despotism’. Instead, you have your children build a mine there.

374 – You micromanage your children so that the next baby will pop at the exact same time the nursery are built.

375 – You think your wife is crazy for not appreciating spices AND incense MORE than furs.

376 – You and your wife have 4 children. You are quite sure you will not have any more children until you build an aqueduct.

377 – You leave a child on any vacant land to ‘settle it’.

378 – After forcibly seizing your neighbor’s house, you starve his family down to size 1 so it won’t ‘culture-flip’ back to him.

379 – You argue with anyone who will listen that the US really needs to build the Forbidden Palace in Los Angeles.

380 – You wonder if George Bush has renegotiated our Peace Treaty with Saddam yet.

381 – You save your elite children to attack the neighborhood weaklings, hoping for a Great Leader.

382 – You place your veteran children near barbarian camps, knowing that there is a 1 in 16 chance that they might become elite if barbarians attack them.

383 – You call every radio talk show and insist that when the US invades Iraq, we should take Bagdad and ‘pop-rush’ an airport there. You also make it clear we have to be in communism for that.

384 – You think all Germans are pretty good neighbors until they reach middle age.

385 – You live on the coast and keep a constant vigil out to sea, lest a fleet of ironclads attack and destroy all your shoreline improvements.

386 – Your friend in the military changes from being part of the infantry division to being a tank driver, you say that’s not possible because he can only upgrade to mech inf.

387 – (continuing sabo10’s and DaDoo’s leads)….Once you get to the local pub, you decide that it sucks, because there is no plug for the new laptop you bought to play Civ3 (no laptop battery on earth can support a CivFanatic).

388- Instead of saying “I have to go to the bathroom” you say “I have to pop rush a settler”

389 – You can think of a sign every time you find out someone else posted here

390 – The French end up being the best and most likeable neighbors.

391 – You steal the neighbors’ kids in hope to have more workers on our yard,

392 – You are out hunting with your friend in the forest and you see a deer across the river, and as your friend aims his gun to shoot at it, you shout at him, saying “No, you fool! He has a defensive bonus!” He then looks at you like you’re crazy, and decides to shoot you instead.

393 – You actually believe that (in your game experience) the French can win a battle! Wow! up to 393 and 260+ posts in less than 5 days. Keep it up!

394 – You get expelled from the UN for bribing all your neighbors for the longest time.

395 – You edit your civ game so your girlfriend is the domestic advisor, instead of that lady.

396 – You wish that you could do something else with Joan D’ Arc than just negotiate deals.

397 – You watch a military movie and scream in the middle of it when you think you see Joan.

398 – You call up the Navy and tell them that it only would take 2 turns to build a submarine.

399 – You build the SETI program to try to get aliens.

400 – You build Longevity in hopes of getting yourself a longer life…

401 – You furiously try to build the Cure for Cancer because you’re diagnosed with a cold.

402 – You think it is realistic that France would grant America an RoP to attack a backwards, but annoying civ.

403 – You come to post on CFC forums but the server is too busy to enter the forums due to the 40 people in posting here…

404 – Your girlfriend once said “Today we are going out to the botanical gardens! It’s beautiful outside So It’s me or that Civilision 3 thing…”

405 – You know what I’ve answered her.

406 – When you visit the pyramids in Egypt you ask the tour guide where are all the free granaries.

407 – You realize that the people posting here don’t play Civ3 too much, as they are not playing… oh, back to the game.

408 – Stoplights look like this to you:

409 – You think everyone will get to retire at 2050 A.D.

410 – You have an uncontrollable desire to obtain biological and chemical weapons to round out your nuclear arsenal.

411 – You think this “homicidal dictator bent on obtaining weapons of mass destruction” that W. keeps referring to is Shaka of the Zulu.

412 – When you go to a party and ask a girl her name and she says: “Hi, my name is Catherine”
you turn back and say : “man…this one is going to be hard”.

413 – (see 50B and 50C…)
414 – When you are in a friend’s house and you see he has a cool stereo, a giant 50″ TV and you start “pillaging”.

415 – You save some money to upgrade your lawnmower into a car.

416 – When you see 2 people walking together, you begin to think the shortie must be the settler.

417 – Then here comes your desire to attack them so that you get two free slaves.

418 – You tap a construction worker and ask him what’s he doing because he’s not irrigating, planting a forest, clearing a jungle, building a road/rr, or mining

419 – You take three steps when walking to work and stop for a minute, then continue like you’re a unit in Civ3

420 – You try to contact the governor of your city and ask him/her if he/she could make you an entertainer.

421 – When somebody mentions roping, you say, “That’s so cheap! I hate that! They always sneak attack you!”

422 – When you hear the US is planning to invade Iraq within a year, you realize the newscaster is stupid, because it takes 7 years to sail to the Middle East.

423 – You are confused when you hear that the President cannot be leader for 6000 years.

424 – You give away one of your favorite games of all times (at one time), smax.

425 – Your boss tells you about a big new project that absolutely MUST be finished by tomorrow and you complain that if he’ll only wait one more day beyond that the rush cost will only be 4 times as much as normal production, but that if he wants it NOW it will cost 8 times normal …

426 – You have the Civilization Fanatics’ Forums>CIVILIZATION III >Strategy & Tips page set as your IE logon homepage.

427 – You recommend to your “Congressmen” that we only need to build Spearmen for national defense and that Navy’s are useless, unless we re-loaded and set the terrain to the Archipelago Mod.

428 – You wonder why there isn’t a RR running down the middle of every road to maximize production and allow infinite movement.

429 – You take a road trip drive though the country and wonder why all grasslands aren’t already mined, and insist that the Great Plains should be solidly irrigated before ANY other improvements are made anywhere, except maybe for roads between cities.

430 – Your idea of “Homeland security” is placing troops next to each other all around our coast so no one can land a force…

431 – You are a conservative but you believe in global warming now.

432 – You are a liberal but you believe in the missile shield now.

433 – You are conservative or a liberal but can’t wait for the next post on off-topic from one of the opposite camp…

434 – You wonder why it takes days to get a railroads from NY to LA because RRs have frictionless movement.

435 – You know Sid Meier’s number.

436 – You are acquainted with one of the Firaxis staff and you ask him/her questions daily.

437 – You know every formula on city production, Heroic Epic, and civil disorder and all.

438 – You think of Homeland Security and automatically think of the annoying Military Advisor.

439 – You fear being abducted by South Americans and being forced to spend the next 24 years clearing a jungle.

440 – You know that if you are captured, your best move is go the capitol so that you have a chance of being sold or traded to your home country.

441 – As an American in a Democracy with replaceable parts, you feel a lot of pressure in being forced to work so damn fast.

442 – You wonder why western Belgium hasn’t culture flipped to France.
No offence to Belgium intended. 😉

443 – You argue aspects of the game against historical facts.

444 (one step further) – You argue the accuracy of historical facts based on the game.

445 – You are looking forward to PTW so you can play all of the Civs at once–against yourself–to finally determine which one is the best.

446 – You are still reading this thread….

447 – You have participated in every single GOTM.

448 -You don’t understand why Bush wants war for Middle Eastern oil where there are plenty in Texas and Alaska.

449 – You understand this: “I ROPed the AI in CFC GOTM. How about a PBEM OCC in PTW?

450 – If you’re a girl and a guy proposes to you or asks you on a date, you say “I’d rather burn in hell than meet your demands!”

451 – You speak in AI civ3 quotes

452 – You think Sid is God.

453 – You think the Romans are still a civilization

454 – You can’t understand why China is communist, when it’s not at war.

455 – You are gambling on whether this thread will actually make it to 1000.

456 – You know it will, and you are gambling on how many of the posts are going to be repeats…

457 – You know it will, and you are gambling on how many of the posts are going to be repeats…

458 – You become so good at the game that you can give the AI a cost factor of 1 on deity and still beat the AI with ease.

459 – You become obsessed with finding little bugs like the ‘hills harbor bug’.

460 – Your wife/girlfriend can make you do anything they want you to do by holding your civ3 disk as a hostage.

461 – Because of #460 already happening too often, you keep your civ3 disk in a safe when not playing it.

462 – You think you are god-like and know everything there is to know about civ3 and everyone else is just a mortal newbie and can freely insult them at will.

463 – You really wish you’ll get to see this list at least hit #540.

464 – You’ve heavily modded the game.

465 – You have downloaded every map, scenario, unit, modpack and graphic you can find on every civ3 site you can find.

466 – You remember exactly what date every patch was released, and every change/fix that was made in each patch.

467 – Once you get a map of an AI civ and by looking at the current date, you have a very good idea of exactly what the AI has built in each of it’s cities and what garrison they have in every city.

468 – You have done an extensive study on any aspect of the game (corruption, goody hut probabilities, combat, AI tendencies, etc.)

469 – You have made a program or utility for Civ3 (mapstat, Apollo, C3MT, etc).

470 – You read the entire (un-edited) transcript from the 4 hour Firaxis chat.

471 – You think someone is from the dark side of the moon if they haven’t heard of Civ3.

472 – You keep a memo-album of all your ‘great games’.

473 – When you lose a city it feels like someone ripped your heart out and put it on a silver platter.

474 – You cry when your good friend and ally, the Iroquois are destroyed by the Aztecs and vow revenge kamikaze style.

475 – Same as #474, but you hope you can use a saved game editor to ‘revive’ your ally.

476 – in line with 472: you keep a journal, but when your girlfriend reads it she is horrified to discover:

4000 bc – sent scout north to hill, he sees a camp in the distance. Founded London. Moved worker to floodplain. Commisioned another scout. Began investigating the wonders of bronze working.
3900bc – worker began irrigating floodplain. Scout reached camp after traversing grasslands. The Franks, whose camp it was, gave us 50 gold…
3800bc – scout kept moving northward, traversed a river. Spies a mountain in the distance…

477 – All your base are belong to us.

478 – You spend two minutes on this site and that’s when you scoff and say, “Hah! I don’t need to use this site!”

479 – You laugh at someone like me trying to win the game because you know you can do it with your eyes closed

480 – You have set up a 900 line number and charge newbies $1 a minute for tips. And that 900 number is 1-900-CIVS-TIPS (if it’s real I’m sorry)

481 – You are actually tutoring newbie, veteran, and even elite players of Civ3, charging them $25 an hour

482 – You are labeled as a “Civ3 freak” at school because of your obsession

483 – You are confident that it will reach 500, because you’re not like Bamspeedy (sorry bamspeedy)

484 – You scoff at people that use C3MT

485 – You make a backup of a file before tinkering with it

486 – You know Sid Meier’s e-mail address

487 – CFC, CGN, Civ3 official site, and any other big Civ fan site are a hot key on your web browser

488 – You think that missing a day of playing Civ3 is the end of the world

489 – You frequently post your Histograph scores on this board or any other board

490 – You brag about your all high score of 3000 on the Histograph

491 – If you don’t win by a landslide you grumble that you could have done better

492 – You are obsessed with Civ3 espionage so much that you’re disappointed when you join the CIA

493 – You call up Firaxis and rage that the Manhattan Project should not allow all civs to build nukes

494 – You have a Civ3 tatto on you, somewhere

495 – You dream too often about Joan or Elizabeth

496 – You declare war on other civs to get a SOTD to send to Thunderfall

497 – You manipulate a SOTD so you can get your name on the SOTD page

498 – You don’t need the Civ3 Combat Calculator – you actually know how the odds of a Hoplite killing a Spearman.

499 – You discuss your stories in full detail on the boards

500 – You never thought that it would come down to 500!

(16 pages and 310 posts and we are halfway!!)

501 – You can recite the formula for CF’s by memory

502 – You have a website dedicated to your GOTM games

503 – You have missed a day of work/class because you needed to kick Xerxes ass.

504- The day Civ 3 came out you asked your teacher if he could finish the class 30 minutes earlier so you could rush downtown in metro and buy CIV 3 before the stores close….And HE DID!
😀 – REAL ONE!!!! (class of 9 student)

505 – You enter a sobbing fit whenever Civfanatics server is too busy.

506 – In response to 460, you sleep with your Civ3 CD under your pillow.

507 – you DO believe this thread will pass the 1000 easily

508 – go to bed with your CD under your pillow??? even more, you tell stories to your CD, like pinoccio, cincirella or your last GOTM.

509 – you call up the mayor of your city and ask him what they are building and how many turns left till its done.

510 – You wonder if the Watts riot could not have been more efficiently quelled by turning farmers into rock-n-roll gods.

511 – On your way home from work you pull over because you thought you caught a glimpse of rubber on the side of the road.

512 – You have a great desire to kill bald women and long haired guys with goatees.

513 (ex-507) – Posting in a thread named ‘1000 Clues you’ve been playing Civilization 3 too much’ instead of attending more serious matters.

514 (ex-508) – you call NASA to see how many parts have the finished for the
spaceship to Alpha Centauri. when they say none… you figure that we must be going for conquest.

515 – You think Bush is nuts to use elite Navy SEALS to attack full strength Afghan units.

516 – You perform any sort of incantation or ritual before attacking with any elite unit.

517 – You have lost a tank to a spearman, more than once, or even MORE than one tank:).

518 – You think to yourself ‘If I was Saddam, I’d reduce my Science to 0% and just buy satellites’.

519 – You think the US would be much more productive if we just build millions of small cities close together, rather than metropolis’s spread further apart.

520 – When you see pollution in your city, you worry that someone is going to starve.

521 – When you claim the SOTDs happened in your games.

522 – You start a FAQ thread

523 – You start a Newbie Question thread.

524 – You can actually answer many of the questions being asked in those 2 threads.

525 – You are keeping track of all postings in this thread and are going to put them in a book. You are then going to sell the book, “1000 Clues you play Civ III too much.” and make a fortune. Everyone on Earth will want a copy, right?

526 – You copyright all ideas and thoughts expressed in this thread so that Fr8monkey can’t do no. 525.

OK, we’ll take post count to mean attack strength.
I therefore have approximately a 5 in 6 chance of winning.
We’ll both be veterans – 4 hps each.

1-5: Pillager wins
6: Fr8monkey wins

Round one:
First round: 3 (P)
Second round: 2 (P)
Third round: 3 (P)
Fourth round: 6 (F)
Fifth round: 2 (P)

And Pillager wins!!! 😀 :king:

527 – You have dice fights with other members of CFC.

528 – you think Fr8monkey should have won because it should have based on CIV3’s PRNG. We *ALL* know the weaker unit wins when civ3 is concerned

529 – You start a PTW questions thread………

530 – You have a work lunch with the sales rep of one of your employers suppliers, and instead of asking about how your significant other is doing, they ask how your current game of Civ is going, and if you ever defeated the Aztecs or not.

531 – Re: 507-” Posting in a thread named ‘1000 Clues you’ve been playing Civilization 3 too much’ instead of attending more serious matters”- Your reaction is puzzled- WHAT other more serious matters??

532 – You have absolutely NO doubt that this thread will reach 1000 Clues because you know that if it falters, YOU will submit enough to get it to 1000 by yourself!

533 – You keep an excel spreadsheet of unit values, costs, etc. And have an alternate version for your mods.

534 – You keep a printout summarizing how you’ve modded the game and maintain notes on how each change has worked or failed.

535 – In your web browser’s Favorite list, you keep a Folder for Civ which has sub folders for each website you frequent, and within those folders have at least a dozen links to threads you want to keep track off, and use their suggestions in your gameplay.

536 – You know you have played too much civ if you think it is an exploit to run your science at 100 percent and have units and buildings disbanded every turn.

537 (ex-532) – You have absolutely NO doubt that this thread will reach 1000 Clues because you know that if it falters, YOU will submit enough to get it to 1000 by yourself!

538 – You use your laptop to play Civ while on the john.

539 – You are writing the script for “Civ: The Movie”.

540 – You spend the evening calling escort services, looking for one that specializes in “domination” victory.

541 – You have burned every save from every game you’ve played onto CD just to have them to play over again.

542 – You’ve built a database to log all the games you’ve played and have the saves from 541 cross-referenced in the database along with details such as which civs, what difficulty level it was, what the world settings were, etc.

543 – You think #538 sounds like a pretty good idea.

544 – After playing Civ3 87 hours straight you collapse and die a happy man. 😉

545 – You actually converted two people’s post count into hit points.

546 – Your upset because Sir Jethro got the magic #540 post and feel that may have given him just enough for him to claim the histographic victory.

547 – You become the ‘hit-man’ that people hire to take out their PTW opponents, or to at least weaken players like Cartouche Bee, Aeson, Sir Pleb and Cracker so the newbie would stand a chance.

548 – You’ve ever got out a piece of graph paper and tried to find the ‘perfect’ city placement pattern.

549 – You become very upset when you find out that you can no longer build any more cities because you got the ‘too many cities’ message.

550 – You’ve ever played an OCC or a 5CC.

551 – You’ve tried an OCC CONQUEST game.

552 – You ever played a game without ever building a city just to see how long you could survive.

553 – (dealing with #548). Because of coasts and mountains screwing up your pattern, you allow building cities on mountains and you start editing a world map, so that is suits your city placement pattern.

554 – You hire a butler and call him your ‘diplomatic advisor’. Soon he controls your life in every action you do. (Butler, “He is a known liar and a cheat. Deal with him wisely…”)

555 – you change the game into a one huge fantasy scenario like the Lord of the Rings or Star Wars

556 – You always rename your leader generating elites after your one true love.

557 – All your afore mentioned elites are named Civ III.

558 – You see someone with a runaway tank and create a spear since you KNOW that a spearman must defeat a tank!

559 – You get laughed at in science class since you think that Apollo tells you how much culture you have

560 – You visit Egypt and expect to find mounds of food in the pyramids

561 – You think of cities in real life nations that might have the Forbidden Palace.

562 – You create a detailed graph of the percentage of posts that are spearman vs. tank, the percentage of jokes that are pyramids giving food, the percentage of jokes that turn your kids into workers, and the percentage of jokes that are direct rewrites of earlier jokes in the thread, including this one!!! Love to all!!!

563 – You begin to understand Hitler

564 – your CD broke and you had to send it to Firaxis… SO to replace CIV III Your playing Age of Empire 2 and telling yourself your playing an OCC game, that villagers are your pop, your castle is your capitol…etc, you moves your units in order and when your finished you wait 1 minute to simulate the turn based play…and Of course you just build spearmen cause you know they can beat a tank…

565 – Much like you knew that seeing the name Zouave meant that there would be a complaint about the game, you also know that seeing Le Petit Prince means that a comment about his broken CD is just around the corner. 😉

566 – You have ever been involved in a Civ3-related lawsuit.

567 – You have ever opened your Inbox and seen at least one entire page full of nothing but mail from ‘Civilization Fanatics Forum’, especially if it’s your Inbox at work:).
Reply: Guilty: I have 1059 emails from CFC In my inbox!
Reply2: I once had 97 new CFC replies waiting :blush:

568 – You are publishing a compilation of Civ3 limericks:

There once was a leader named Joan,
Whose head was so bald you could groan;
With a smile on her lips, and a shake of her hips,
She said, “I think now I’ll take Rome.”

569 – You’ve read the EULA

570 – Your therapist has you committed to the local asylum because you rant something about you being in despotism and having a city in revolt due to unhappy population and pop-rushing a temple to make them happy but this will cause the population to go down then you won’t need the temple in the first place…..AAAUUUUUGHHH!

571 – You receive a Christmas present from you ex and reply “Thanks…I wonder what you are up to now.”

572 – You are arranging to publish a compilation of Civ3 jokes:

What’s the difference between a dead settler in the middle of the road and a dead explorer in the middle of the road?
ANSWER: Skid-marks in front of the settler.

What do prostitutes and privateers have in common?
ANSWER: They both suck! 😆

573 – you are a member of the local chapter of C3A (Civ 3 Anonymous)

574 – You are actually the founding member of the above support group.

575 – You create a formula to approximate, at the current run rate for each thread, the exact date that this thread will overtake Killer’s FAQ in total views:

576 – Your daily routine consists of waking up and reading all your CivFanatics email, then clicking on inbox and going to the top of the new list that has shown up while you dealt with the last one, and repeating this process for about three hours until you finally don’t have any new messages. Then you quickly close your email and play Civ3 till you fall asleep…

577 – You fail your History thesis because you state that Rome couldn’t have fallen in the 2nd century because the barbarian hoards can’t destroy cities, just pillage your gold.

578 – Three words: Civ3 vanity plates. Mine says: “IPLA129”

579 – you don’t understand overpopulation pop will only grow if there’s enough food right?

580 – You forget to clean up your bathroom and after a while the sink becomes a cabinet…

581 – You start to get anxious because this thread has only grown by half of a page in the last day

582 – So you sit down to think of what you should do and you ask your Domestic Advisor who by this time has taken on an actual illusory presence in your mind…

583 – She says “Build More Cities!” and incidentally that is what you make your wife/girlfriend say to you in bed…

584 – You go out dinner with seven friends and connect everyone who regularly hang out with each other with green strings and the two people who are mad at each other with red string.

585 – You are working on a Civ3 rap song called “Bust Another Patch” with sampled music from the Modern Era…

586 – You buy diapers so you don’t have to run upstairs and wake everyone up in the middle of the night when that coffee catches up with you during a long war…

587 – You actually mobilize for war in the game.

588 – You actually build catapults in the game.

589 – You know how to move stacks, automate workers to build improvements but not change existing improvements, irrigate to the nearest town, and take screen shots…

590 – You negotiate your peace treaties to the nearest 1 gold piece.

591 – You look at what your wife bought your inlaws for Xmas and say “The Bhargashes will be insulted by this deal!”

592 – You watch this thread constantly waiting to be the poster of the 666th, 777th, or 911th joke (actually just a sign you are insane)

593 – when you found that that sniper dropped a tarot card that said “I am God” you wondered if you should call the FBI and tell them about the CivFanatics forum member God…

594 – instead you call the white house and remind them that citizens of a democracy are immune to propaganda

595 – you sit around the office of Firaxis dreaming up new ways to take perfectly good workers and turn them into perfectly useless improvements like outposts and radar towers…

596 – your inability to do well at the GOTM despite months of playing civ leads you to spitefully stop your posts short at 596 so that some other chump has to do the next three…

597 – You know when u have played civ 3 to much when u think that when Italy invaded Ethiopia in 1932 Italy lost cuss Ethiopia had spears and Italy had tanks, infantry, bombers, and artillery!!!!

598 – when you ride a war chariot, panzer tank, war elephant etc. to work.

599 – You think that battle ships can be sunk by frigates

600 – you know the top 100 CFC posters in order

601 – you have multiple jobs in the civ3 demogame.

602 – you have beat deity by the end of the ancient era.

603 – You post on this thread to “save it from destruction.”

604 – If you have ever said to anyone (or typed) “I do not respond well to demands”

605 – You have hosted a succession game on CFC.

606 – You host a training successionist game on CFC.

607 – You are still interested in this thread

608 – You know and can explain the differences between: ICS, OCS, OCP and 5CC and OCC.

609 – You tell your neighbor to remove their kids from your yard or you will declare war.

610 – You no longer care about your alma matter on Saturdays, because you are busy kicking Bizmarks ass.

611 – You wonder why The US is still researching as future tech adds NOTHING to our final score!!!! (and SDI is only 2 turns away )

612 – You actually finish a SG by a Histograph victory.

613 – You figure out the exact resources each unit would need in real life.

614 – You complain that you can’t recycle because you don’t have any rubber nearby

615 – You actually make up an alphabet for your own civ

616 – You modify that alphabet when trading to other civs to simulate their use of the alphabet

617 – You create a fake language for your civ

618 – You create a history book about your civ

619 – You claim your civ actually existed (history-wise)

620 – You wonder why there isn’t more culture flipping in real life

621 – You wonder why there aren’t more spearmen in real life

622 – You put 2 hour of your time at work just to read through this thread….

623 – You correspond your clothing to each civs colors.
Ex. You take the red shirt out of your dresser and say “I think I’ll be Rome today.”

624 – You see that some morons don’t know anything about history

625 – You find that there are more morons that don’t know how to write XERXES… and write XERES or XEXES…

626 – You complete the Manhattan Project wonder, switch the almost but not quite complete Longevity project to an ICBM, and after its completed the next turn you gleefully change your AutoSignature in Outlook to “My Words are Backed with Nuclear Weapons!”

627 – You can’t understand why Juarez (cross border city to El Paso) hasn’t culture flipped to the American Civ. (With apologies to our Mexican members! 🙂 )

628 – You know the whole history of each wonder so well that you scoff at the limited history/description under

629 – When you teacher announces something, you start to imitate the sound when a Wonder is completed

630 – You try to edit your own life by putting in some colonies of guys and girls to get some fantastic results

631 – You burn a copy of the Civ3 CD and put it in your drive, and sleep with the real one at night

632 – You have a huge 15X16 poster of Joan D’ Arc in your room

633 – You e-mail Thunderfall frequently SOTDs in hopes that he will put it on the front page

634 – You create thousands of Civ2 and CIv3 scenarios and send them to Thunderfall for GOTMs

635 – You edit games to make SOTDs (i.e. make a battleship land-based so you can make it seem that battleships can sail through the wonderous land)

636 – You call up the NAS (National Science Association) and ask them what Future Tech they are researching

637 – You ask the navy why they use Marines when they’ve became obsolete against Mechanized Infantry and Modern Armored Units

638 – You are surprised to find F-15s in Israel because you thought that only the Americans can build them

639 – You install a patch to fix your life because it’s been ruined

640 – You call for Queen Elizabeth in England and ask her whether she’s taking a milk bath

641 – You ask the ruler of China if Mao ever wasted the country’s budget on a game of fan tan

642 – You go nuts when a guy finishes a project before you, and try to go back in time to sabotage it

643 – You too often go over the limit while typing messages (very sad indeed)

644 – You have multiple accounts at CFC because you love all the different forum styles

645 – You have downloaded a spreadsheet-simulation program at work so if your boss suddenly comes in you hit the panic button and make like you’re working

646 – You don’t realize that the technology to build the SDI defense doesn’t exist yet.

647 – You don’t believe that #646 is true because you JUST FINISHED SDI and you KNOW it’s NOT a Future Tech!

648 – You laugh at President Regan who was all talk about SDI and that you have SDI and are protected by almost all incoming nukes

649 – Your best friend, who has watched you played Civ3 for hours, now speaks to you in advisor quotes

650 – When you’re getting beaten by bullies, your best friend says, “Compared to these guys, our army is weak!”

651 – You order a T3 line and browse CFC with 5 monitors and 10 browser windows each just to catch all the latest information

652 – You order the same T3 line in wait for PTW

653 – You setup a network for PTW hotseat games

654 – You wait for PTW so you can play against yourself

655 – You copy the unit pics and create scenes in Photoshop/PSP

656 – You edit screenshots to trick newbies

657 – You tell your bank that you want the 1.29f patch so you can generate more income (commerce).

658 – You start a petition to bring Zouave back because you know he won’t whine with the “Turn off culture flipping” option. 😀

659 – You’ve been permbanned from the major Civ3 fansites because you spammed too much about getting PTW in November.

660 – You have as many units as clues.

661 – You want the local marine barracks in your yard so your neighbor won’t think you’re weak.

662 – You wonder why the frigates in your city’s harbor haven’t been upgraded yet.

663 – You try to identify every major improvement in your city.

664 – You start counting the days until PTW.

665 – You post #665 to see who the next unlucky poster is. 😉

666 – You try to take over the world every day! 👿

667 – You talk a lot so that people will address you as Chieftain, Warlord, etc.

668 – You see some scientists in a laboratory and you angrily shout out “You wasteful fools! Go work in the fields!”

669 – You join the libertarian party in hopes of an anarchy so you don’t have to pay your taxes because you collect no taxes in anarchy.

670 – You wonder why we didn’t cut down all the trees in the ancient age because the shield bonus would be more useful.

671 – While hiking in the forest you come upon a fellow hiker and offer him your two workers(kids) for his word map

672 – You protest the school system when it says the Great Wall was made by the Chinese insisting that the Germans made it and it only affected cities that had city wall

673 – You legally change your name to Sid Meier, have 16 children and name them the Leaders of the different civs in Civ 3

674 – You know what size real world NY or your hometown would be in Civ 3

675 – You spend time making an animated gif of your civ’s history. (taking a snapshot of one area every turn)

676 – You want to take a college course on a civilization because you “play as them”

677 – You argue that history actually began at 4000 B.C. and will end in 2050 A.D. if someone doesn’t win.

678 – Because each square supposedly represents 100×100 miles, you believe each one is worthy of its own name and hold a name dedication ceremony for each tile as it enters your cultural borders.

679 – At breakfast you see a Banana and think: “That could be a luxury in CIV4”

680 – At school you think “Schools could be build to increase our research and culture borders in CIV4”

681 – At lunch you think “in CIV4 some citizens should eat just 1 and others 3 food per turn”

682 – You see an Indian and you think “he could eat just 1 food per turn, for example”

683 – At afternoon you play CIV and think “Civ game should be a luxury in CIV4. Or maybe Civ conception a great wonder that brings more happiness”.

684 – You don’t dinner and you think “My mom would give a good pic for a citizen in CIV4”

685 – You dream about CIV3 and CIV4.

686 – You think this post comes from a normal person.

687 – An archaeologist discovers you 1000 years from now and they find you died of starvation sitting in front of a strange box with a disk in it that was engraved with CIVILIZATION III.

688 – You read 687 and actually get a flashback and miss the defeat ending in civ2.

689 – You look at a wooden something and think “That’s a good strategic resource to CIV4”

690 – You call your cats Sid, Mike and other Firaxis names, and turn on them when your tanks looses against spearman 🙂

691 – You start a Spearman cult in your yard.

692 – In Earth’s Huge map, you know the name of each tile.

693 – You are working on your’s personal mod V_675.78 (V for version!)

694 – You have 2 computers to play CIV, playing one when the other is on AI turn

695 – You use the night to design strategies for your games in a milimetrical paper, assuming that they will react as YOU KNOW they will.

696 – You think Abe is the president of US.

697 – You have already read all the history encyclopedias there is on all the libraries you know.

698 – Your SOTDs are waiting in a row in CFC till 2004.

699 – You don’t understand why your hard drive has +3GB. You only need Win and CIVs.

700 – None of your friends understand your “awesome” jokes 😀

701 – You feel bad for Bush because you think he must get over a hundred phone calls a day from leaders of other nations saying “remove you forces from our territory or declare WAR!”
(when it is only about 3 countries saying this)…

702 – You think American forces are stationed in Kabul to prevent it culture-flipping to Pakistan.

703 – After your game, you actually wait until every leader has commented about your game at least once, before continuing to the next screen.

704 – When at war, you go to the AI leader and offer peace only if he will give you everything he has. Even though you know he won’t accept it, you keep asking him 10-15 times, just to really piss him off.

705 – You think Portugal is a CIV in the game because of the so many times you have read Portuguese in the last couple of months 🙂

706 – You think Ghana must have won, because Kofi Annan is Secretary-General of the UN. (must’ve been all those MPP’s they had, or something).

707 – You would like to automate your children, but are afraid they might destroy existing improvements, such as replacing your sprinkler system with a mine.

708 – You hope uranium appears in your backyard.

709 – You HATE your own country (damned Americans. Lincoln sucks).:).

710 – Your moving to a new house and your computer is packed up for 5 days. By the third day you are going through withdrawal symptoms and have the shakes.

711 – You are in your Networking class and instead of doing you assignment, your posting #710.

712 – Autumn makes you nervous, because it is more difficult to determine which forests are polluted.

713 – You speak more to “uncle Abe” than to your mother.

714 – In history you make ridiculous emendas to the teachers lecture and your fellow colleagues don’t even bother with them.

715 – You have adopted SID’s keyboard, calling road to R, irrigation to I, build to B,…

716 – You actually “updated” your keyboard to SID’s version.

717 – You only abandon CIV to visit CFC

718 – You divide your life in turns

719 – You prove aliens don’t exist because they are not a CIV

720 – You call New Berlin 8 to your kid’s LEGOs.

721 – You regularly fall asleep at your keyboard because you can’t stop playing.

722 – Sid Meier has a restraining order on you.

723 – You just can’t stop posting in this thread (I’ll do my best 🙂 )

724 – Someone tells you “when pigs can fly” so you make a unit for civ and then tell them pigs can.

725- Thunderfall has taken on a mystical Zeus-like father figure to you

726 – You are sitting in an asylum because your family got worried.

727-The B, I, R, M, F and the arrow keys on your keyboard are heavily stained with your fingerprints.

728-The buttons on your mouse are also heavily stained.

729 – You break your mouse or space bar or return key… or you are really in over head if you break the shift and p keys…

730 – You get back problems, carpal tunnel syndrome, or go blind from playing

731 – You get a terrible tooth ache but have to stay at your desk till you destroy Persia (happening to me right now)

732 – Many of the keys on your keyboard are stained from having to eat while playing civ3.

733 – Your room is a mess, because you never get around to cleaning it because Civ3 is more important.

734 – You set your alarm clock, not to wake you up, but to remind yourself when to get out of that ‘just one more turn’ syndrome and go to work.

735 – You ask members of this board and a lot of other Civ boards (like CGN) if they could send you their saved games because you want to learn from them

736 – You wonder why environmentalists are fighting to save the trees because you know that trees are good for the cities

737 – You have subscribed to a “Civ3 Times” instead of something like the “New York Times” (no offense NYers)

738 – Your girlfriend (or boyfriend) bought PTW as a birthday present because you talk about it so much

739 – You post only one clue per post to get a higher post count

740 – Provost Harrison of CGN and Thunderfall of CFC are you best friends

741 – You print out a picture of France’s Joan, go to Paris, and ask the president (or whatever) if you’ve seen this person lately

742 – whenever you notice a post like 739 that has appeared before you post to comment on it so you get a higher count…

743 – you finish the game and when they tell you to play again immediately, you do…

744 – you try to go to bed but lie in bed thinking about Civ3 and eventually get up at 230 Am and start playing again…

745 – You decide you’ll immigrate to India because the Indians too understand the importance of having cows in your city squares

746 – When you get there are puzzled that they have plenty of workers but fail to clean up all pollution

747 – Are shocked to find Mahatma Ghandi is dead and no longer the Indian leader

748 – You call Ben Kingsley to act as a stand in. ( if saddam has em, why can’t you?)

749 – You stick to a diet of vegetable curries

750 – Consider the 750th clue to be a milestone of great importance.

751 – Your loved ones make this and similar modifications to your diplomacy.txt file, to keep you from starving.

752 – You majored in three areas: Economics, science and media (entertainment). So that you can be a talent.

752- You suffer from terrible insomnia

753- If you’re at school or work you go to civ3 internet sites and watch screenshots you’ve already seen for 1000 times to keep yourself alive.

754 – You continuously pillage your neighbors lawn.

755 – While sleeping, you dream in the perfect strategy.

756 – When your wife dreams about catching you in a threesome (ahem, w/ women) and your reply is, “Come on honey, you can join too, just log in to the computer.” I guess she thinks I really love my computer. Actually, I’d whore around w/ anyone’s computer if it had Civ3 loaded.

757 – You start driving around the city wondering where that soldier who’s supposed to be defending it is!

758 – before you get into a bar fight, you warn the guy that your attck-defense-movement, is about 3/3/2

759 – Before getting into a bar fight, you warn the guy that your ADM used to be 3/3/2 but after hours of playing Civ3 and lack of exercises they are now 2/2/1.

760 – You don’t understand why all these lines are funny if they are so real about you.

761 – You see this thread as a sort of a bible of behavior to you and your family and you are surprised how they do not agree with you immediately.

762 – you nod your head and say “yeah… I know how that is” to more than 1 post in this thread.

763 – You consider anyone with less than 100 CFC posts “an obvious newb”.

764 – You consider anyone with more than 1,000 posts “your hero”.

765 – You’ve changed your signature more than 5 times.

766 – You get a kick out of the “Stories & Tales” forum. (no offense guys…I just can’t get into it)

767 – You’ve ever raised fraud allegations in the Demo game elections.

764: But you refuse, because you know that starving people are happier

765 – You’ve ever started a bar brawl by wearing CFC colors at an Apolyton hangout.

766- You can’t wait for this thread to end so you can go back to playing!!!!!!!

767 – You write a letter to Webster’s pleading for a more precise definition of “cheating”.

768 – You return from vacation and your friends ask “tell us about your exploits”. Since you brought your laptop and Civ3 along you are happy report “I left a scout on Germany’s iron for thirty turns before they made me move it”!

769 – You get reprimanded from moderators for passionately arguing about game strategy (and not off topic politics…)

770 – You have won with each civ on each level

771 – You still micromanage your workers in late game (while your real life workers are happy to see you locked in your office playing civ all day)

772 – You ran for president and the votes came out even but you didn’t challenge the supreme court because you wanted “some time for civ 3” (Al Gore!)

773 – You accidentally call your wife Elizabeth (does not apply to Dole)

774 – People hang up on you as soon as you start telling them about your latest game

775 – You look for shields on the grassland…

776 – You hope for a histograph of this thread when it is done…

777 – You prebuild your answers to this thread and switch to them in time to claim great numbers like the old triple seven…

778 – When you post in a thread like this, you have so many things about your personal life to tell, you’ll have to post at least 5 reasons each post :p

779 – You look at your umbrella and think: why there are any clouds at CIV?

780 – You speak more to mods and CFC veterans than to your family, who live in your home.

781 – Your nickname at work is something like Civer, Sid, civfanatic (doublemeaning 🙂 ) or your CFC nick.

782 – You know all the manual from CIV3, but not a page from the school books

783 – You see everything and think: “If that were in CIV…”

784 – You already started praying for CIV4

785 – You are already in a queue at Firaxis door to be the owner of the 1st copy of CIV4 (till Sid has petty of you and promises you the 1st copy)

786 – You never keep your word as that is not as good and productive as go the hard way with the people

787 – You negotiate MPPs with the strongest kids in school

788 – You negotiate right of passage with your brother, as his side of the bed is the one that is next to the door (your brothe doesn’t understand that strange code but he accepts the easy money…)

789 – You look at the modern trains and wonder why they don’t require coals. (Seriously, once you reach a certain time in modern age, say after Ecology, you shouldn’t need coal anymore to build railroads.)

790 – You don’t understand why the railroad you built in your vegetable garden didn’t increase your tomato crop.

791 – You refuse to leave town and visit your parents because you’re playing OCC

792 – You go to court and expect to still see a lot of corruption

793 – Then you ask the judge if he forgot to install the latest patch

794 – You tell your boss that if he doesn’t give you two foods a day that you’ll starve

795 – You function your life around the Demographics in a game that you have

796 – You ask your enemy 999999 gpt and anything else and ask him if he has patch 1.29

797 – When a bully tells you to give him all your money or else, you say, “Would shields suffice” seconds before getting the crap beaten out of you

798 – You’ve had two three-day suspensions because of your rambling on PTW

799 – You can spell AoA’s name (no offense)

800 – You publish the “Civ3 Times” with fake stories like – “Alexander built the Pyramids!”

( Woo! 800 clues, 23 pages, 454 posts – only 200 left. )

801 – even though they post a new screenshot of the day every day, it seems like they are weeks apart because you are logged on when the last one appeared and you check back with CFC every half hour or so…

802 – If you want your kids/employees to leave you alone you just tell them to automate

803 – You don’t care who wins the world series… as long as you win win Civ III!

804 – When workers come over to improve your property, you shout at them, “Shift-A, Shift-A you —–”

805 – When you go “Hiawatha!!” when this used to be “Geronimo!!”

806 – When you don’t come home from work because of the one-more-turn effect

807 – When you cry out “it’s between tiles!” if you see a boat on a river

808 – on Valentines Day, you are supposed to meet your wife an hour ago, but you can’t stop playing. (this happened to my uncle’s friend.)

809 – You wonder why that if Adam Smith really had a trading company, then how come people who work in banks and airports are actually paid?

810 – You believe that there have only been 16 nations who existed in the history of the word excluding barbarians

811 – You believe #810 is false since 9 of them have been wiped out years ago

812 – You begin to fear the release of PTW will create 8 new nations in the world from space

813 – You began to realize your girlfriend looks like the civ3 Queen Elizabeth. (It happened to me, honest.)

814 – You plan on having an all-night bash to celebrate when this thread hits #1000.

815 – You have memorized the entire Civilopedia by heart

816 – You think that all guns created after riflemen require no gunpowder at all

817 – You now believe that cannons and most artillery cant kill u, just hurt u really bad.

818 – On the Independence Day Parade (for us Americans) you nudge the person next to you and tell him/her that the tank that just passed you as a rating of (whatever)

819 – The guy/girl that you just told socked you and you’re on the ground mumbling

820 – Elizabeth and the Domestic Advisor always appear in your dreams

821 – You frown when your friend is happy, and when he gets captured by a bully you jump for joy (unstable behavior picked up by advisors)

822 – Every mod on this board knows you, knows you well, and not in a good way…

823 – You can name off all the most active mods (Lefty, AoA, Gonzo_for_civ, Hippo, Thunderfall, SunTzu, Duke, Chieftess, and so on…)

824 – After ten months of trying, you have managed to break into the staff forum and spy on it


825- You think that Egypt is really advanced from having the Great Library

826- You now believe that the capital of Japan is Kyoto, not Tokyo (as in present day).

827 – You are already in a PTW clan (guilty!).

828 – You plan to stay on your computer so for as long as it takes so you can post number 1001.

829 – You wonder what Silverflame means (see 825) because the Great Library because useless in the mid-Middle Ages.

830- You realize Sir Jethro is going to win a domination victory on this thread, and begin disbanding one unit and one improvement each turn in order to research the laser faster…

831 – Every three pages at least that you have responded on this thread (doubly guility for that as well as others)

832 – Enter key gets broken from too much use

833 – You throw a Civ3 motif birthday bash

834 – In that bash, the most-disliked girl dresses up like Catherine

835 – When Lincoln or someone else says that corny “How did you know it was my birthday? Thanks!” you begin to sing “Happy birthday to you…”

836 – The only one that tells you that you care is the AI when you give them a gift (very very sad)

837 – You’re in the quick reply box and you’re thinking of some corny clue to add your two cents in the part

838 – When Gandhi asks you if you want a vegetable curry when you greet him, you get one yourself

839 – Your girlfriend is steamed that you’re two hours late to their date and all you can come up is, “My A/D/M rating is only 1/1/1.”

840 – You change the domestic advisor to your girlfriend’s head

841 – Whenever the advisor pops up you drool on the keyboard

842 – Your wife charges you with neglect and insanity and gets you committed

843 – Your wife charges you with neglect and insanity and wins a divorce with everything but the computer that you play with so much

844 – Your wife charges you with neglect and insanity and starts to date another guy

845 – You stiffen at your wife’s daring and you challenge the guy to a duel, informing him “that if you do not have a higher A/D/M rating than 6/10/2 you are screwed”

846 – You claim to have seen the Great Lighthouse in Boston because you built it in that city

847 – During a trip to England, you see Queen Elizabeth and you say, “Damn! You’ve really let yourself go since I last saw your picture!”

848 – Your friends know about your obsession on Civ3

849 – Just to tick you off, your girlfriend acts and dresses like Catherine on a date

850 – You’re girl friends all dress like Elizabeth to see your reaction

851 – One of your guy friends dresses like Shaka to see your reaction.

852 – Or you guy friend dresses like Cleopatra to see your reaction!

853 – You consider sex a waste of 15 minutes that could be spent attacking France.

854 – You admire and revere anyone who has memorized the corruption formula.

855 – When anyone asks you if you saw on TV last night your answer is always ‘no I was micromanaging my workers’.

856 – You only find out about world events when people discuss them at work.

857 – You have no idea what is happening in the real world at all because you never manage to get to work.

858 – You only go back to work when the electricity is cut off and you can’t play civ anymore.

859 – You don’t realize there are forums other than Civilization 3 on the CivFanatics site.

860 – You don’t realize there are websites on the internet other than CivFanatics and that place you get the patches from.

861 – You associate the following cartoon not with George W. or Iraq, but with your current Civ3 game.

862 – George Bush calls you to ask for advice on “this Iraq situation”.

863 – Your reply is “Saddam Hussein is a known liar and cheat. But so are you, Sir.”

864 – You regret buying Heroes of Might and Magic Iv because it’s cutting into valuable Civ3 time.

865 – you think Joan D’Arc would be a nice name for a baby

866 – If you’ve ever had a game crash after creating a new mod.

867 – You become upset when 3 tropical storms/hurricanes (Hannah, Isadore, and Lily) move in your direction in 3 consecutive weeks, because you know a near miss or direct hit could mean days with no power or Civ III.

868 – You were frantically playing Civ III while one of the aforementioned storms approached to get in as much playing time as possible before losing power.

869 – You lost power when a storm hit, ending your Civ III session.

870 – Instead of sending your cracked Civ III disk to Firaxis, you just went out to buy another because you knew you wouldn’t survive the time it took the get the new one.

871 – On at least one occasion your wife/ significant-other has threatened to simply “Turn-off that damn game.”

872 – If you have been in trade negotiations for weeks with your wife/significant-other offering gems and furs in exchange for their blessing when purchasing PTW.

873 – You don’t believe that Adolf Hitler ever existed (he’s not even on the GL list)

874 – You actually scoff at Traveller for posting one at a time to not look like a newb to this forum (sorry Traveller)

875 – You wonder why Silverflame ever mentioned #874 since he is obviously also a newb

876 – You are so relived when someone quotes from your clues because all this time they’ve been ignored

877 – The only friend you have is Emperor Xerxes

878 – You are convicted of neglect to your wife and sentenced to 200 hours of community service and six weeks of computer addiction courses

879 – You have mastered all kinds of strategy, including the ability to post one message at a time but wait till others post so it doesn’t look like you are trying to catch SirJethro for most posts in this thread…

880 – You are planning a huge party for when this thread hits 1000.

881 – You aren’t planning a huge party for when this thread hits 1000 because that would cut into your Civ3 playing time.

882 – Whenever you hear the word “civilization” in real life, you jump up in the air over and over again saying, “Yaaaay! Say it again! Say it again!”

883 – You are baffled about how there are more than 16 civilizations in the world; after all, PTW hasn’t come out yet.

884 – You volunteer to download this thread when it reaches 1000 reasons and do a histograph of the jokes by contributor, repetition of themes, and actual hilarity, plus do stats for top ten funniest, most responses provoked, etc., etc.

885 – You argue with telemarketers when they call, asking if they will listen to your counter-proposal instead and go ahead to ask them for 99999999 gold and all their cities

886 – A newbie asks something and you say “What a dumb @$$ question and ‘Killer’ is going to yell at him!”. Then you think 6 months ago I asked the very same question.

887 – You don’t want to end the argue with your brother until one of you are ‘wiped off’ of the map, instead of taking a peace treaty to demand all his stuff. Because you are tired of waiting 10+ turns for him to acknowledge your envoy…

888 – You start a CivIII club

889 – You stimulate battles by using the CivIII combat calculator, using two members of the club and mimicking losses and a unit being destroyed

890 – You assign everyone in the club to dress as a certain civ leader

891 – You begin to see Cleopatra in every Muslim girl that wears a veil and you become paranoid

892 – To your sister you say, “You are growing slowly, Madame”

893 – Your sister slugs you so hard that you’re out for a week in the hospital

894 – Instead of your mother hollering, “Get off of the Internet!” she hollers “Get off of CivIII!”

895 – You only talk to the mods in CivIII quotes, to avoid self-incrimination

896 – You know every mod, even the ones that a lot of people don’t know

897 – When your wife is sleeping you sneak around to dress her up as Catherine or any other annoying girl civ leader

898 – You have a huge poster of Queen Elizabeth tacked on your office cubical

899 – You never thought that this thread could go this far

900 – Instead of picking on a kid and saying, “Give me all your stuff,” you say, “Peace comes at a price. Would you care to donate?” like Shaka says.

( Woohoo! 503 posts, 26 pages, and only a hundred left! Keep ’em coming! )

901 – You browse this thread on a different computer so you can simultaneously play Civ3

902 – You keep a spread sheet of terrain types hanging over your monitor.

903 – You can’t find your mouse in the pile of printed Civ3 reference material.

904 – You think that if you don’t pay your bills they will just reposess one item a year (starting with that cheap coffee table)

905 – You start writing ‘queue’ instead of ‘cue’. 🙂

906 – You think 884 is actually a good idea!

907 – You stay up long hours making city site maps for the Demogame. 😀

908 – You wonder why no one actually recognizes your “position” in the demogame

909 – People give you funny looks when you say “I’m the Science Advisor!”

910 – You ask someone if they’re a warmonger or a builder

911 – You write the one for 911 so a newbie doesn’t get banned writing a rude remark. 😉

912 – You have been sitting at the computer so long, ignoring women as well as the rest of the world, that you get turned on by Chieftess (and the nice one’s) avatar…

913 – you keep a plastic jug next to the computer to keep from having to walk very far to, you know…

914 – one begins to talk like Simon Darkshade…

915 – or yous talks liking Norweigian… sorry if that not good English:)

916 – You start to realize you will miss this thread! Because by the time you wake up, it could be full…

917 – (follow-up to 861) – You continue to associate the following cartoon string with your current Civ3 game (and the A.I.).

918 – You do an F11 version of the thread stats, making sure that none of the stats makes any sense whatsoever. E.g., Screen Area – 1st 738,020, Letter population – 2nd 23,302,304, Family Size – 8th 2.2.

919 – You hear that the ancient city of Rome reached population 1,000,000 sometime around 0 AD and you say that’s impossible because there is no way they could have build a hospital that early.

920 – You’ve participated in the “reload counter” debate.

921 – You know the definition of “Super Deity”. (Help the rest of us out here…I’ve asked at least 3 times with no answer)

922 – You’ve ever popped 3 settlers in yours first 3 goody huts. (You’ve been playing too much Civ3, sealman)

923 – You understand the parallel between Civ3 and crack cocaine.

924 – You’ve participated in a Succession Game all the way to the end. (I didn’t have the stamina 🙁 )

925 – You beleive 1,000 clues is a ridiculously low number…we are going to need at least 10,000 to hit them all.

926 – CivFanatics is set as your home page.

927 – You only ever play Emperor and Deity and have “never lost a game”.

928 – You spend hours trying to get a starting position with 2 luxuries, on a hill, with 4 sides surrounded by a river and at least 3 wheat on flood-plains in the capital radius.

929 – You’ve ever played a game beyond 2500 AD.

930 – Just to keep the clue count rising, you post a link to another thread that you think people will get a laugh at.

931 – You start thinking of a better score system for the GOTM so that milking will not be rewarded with points

932 – You now the meaning of: milking, GOTM, SOD, GL, GL (that’s twice on purpose), ToE, SG, third GL (almost forgot about it), MA, and all the others listed in the relevant part of this site

933 – Can’t figure how a guy you refer to as Aeson, can be that good

934- Last year, when the US special forces were in Afghanistan, you have absolutely no idea what weapons their “infantry” are using, such as “bazookas,” “mortars,” and “submachine guns!” They are only supposed to use rifles, and they are only supposed to be good defenders!

bombers and fighers on bombing runs :p and…
935 – you think the failure rate of bombing runs in Afghanistan is quite consistent with the one in the game.

936 – You try to figure a way to be the one to post the magic 1000 and all you can think of is to post another 64 lines exactly the same as this one.

937 – You wonder why the people you know seem to have very ordinary names compared to ‘real’ people here.

938 – In the interest of getting back to your civ game you announce that this is your last post in this thread. It has been a great ride gang, thanks for the thousand laughs.

939 – you start to wager on if Sultan Bhargash will be back before 1000 post is up.

940 – Agh! They keep pulling me back!!!!!!!!!

941 – When commuting to work, someone tries to cut you off and you yell ‘I would rather eat dung than submit to your demands’.

942 – After seeing Mao say the above repeatedly, you mod your game to make Dung a tradable resource.

942 – your co-worker sees you doodle all day long at work. What they don’t know is you are playing civ3 on paper!

After quoting 938: Don’t be fooled. This is a tactic to throw you off guard. He’s planning a sneak attack for the 1000-post-grab.
943 – I on the other hand will be enjoying a wonderful candle-lit 5th anniversary dinner with my wife this evening when the big post hits. I guess I’m just going to have to hope to hold out for the histographic win.

944 – (in advance of it actually happening to me) You actually waste time thinking about the CFC forum DURING your 5th anniversary celebration dinner.

945 – You have gotten into the Civ3 directory and you are actually READNING the coding.

946 – You notice how now all of these clues are starting to have less and less to do with civ3

947- You tell Sir Jethro: we were already beaten, there was no reason for you to wipe us out!

948 – You always keep track of the information the give you at the end. (ex. Population, military, life expectancy, etc.)

After quoting 944:
That’s going to risk your histographic win… Don’t let your wife wipe you out because of that… 😀
Happy anniversary. 🙂
949- You finally figured out you can’t win this thing as a wiped-out.

950 – You’re one turn away from winning and you hold yourself back in fear for not getting enough points

951 – You look at your own cities’ demographics daily to see the pop change and whether it’s still #1

952 – You call your senator and scream why you’re not letting the president go to war

953 – You conspire to overthrow the Senate

954 – Whenver someone ticks you off, you yell, “We grow tired of your insolence. Prepare for WAR!”

955 – You constantly compare Civ3 and Civ2 despite the fact that they’re two different games and only based off of the original

956 – Since I don’t have Civ2 I don’t know the color of the spy – but 956 reads: You nab anyone who begins to look like a spy

957 – When you crash your game you rage over the phone with

958 – You monitor this thread in hopes of being able to be the one that has the 1000th and be able to take the claim (I’ve got the 900th and the 500th clues)

959 – The only best friend you have is the worker who faithfully builds roads, mines hills and mountains, irrigates, plant forests, and clear forests and jungles

960 – You are astonished to see the thread progress so far as to 960 clues and counting

961 – You think of real people as better AI in PtW

962 – You don’t go to church but you go to CivFanatics and praise Firaxis for creating the world…..

963 – You sit at work 3 AM and posting replies at CivFanatics

964 – Whenever you finish a task at work, you can’t resist the urge to utter a Musketman-esque “Ha HA!”

965 – You imitate fidget motions when you’re waiting for orders from your wife, like in Civ3

966 – You are determined to beat SirJethro to the 1000-clue post, so you post insanely with dead clues

967 – You arrange a Civ3 scavanger hunt – with the last clue a clue to this thread

968 – You have no idea why people are so against Darwinism, since it gave us two techs for free

969 – You add rooms onto your house after each successful game and posted hundreds of screenshots of that game in the room

970 – You’ve arranged a slide show of all your most memorable games to show watch in the ten hours before your PTW copy arrives

971 – For Halloween you dress up as your favorite leader and hand out free copies of civ3 which you spent your life savings on because you want to show kids the joy of civ3

972 – You go to the ends of the world searching for friendly barbarian tribes so you can get new technology and become a billionaire

973 – Once you are a billionaire you create a huge PTW LAN set up and invite everyone on this forum over to play

After quoting 972: Ah, but we are not in ancient times anymore, so we can’t get techs from barbarians.
974 – You now think of Hiroshima as a big landmass of orangish-brown slop.

975 – You own a full line of Civ3 pajamas and swimsuits, and wear them all the time.

976 – Instead of looking at dirty magazines you look at revealing pictures of Catherine the Great and Queen Elizabeth, hiding them from your parents/wife.

977 – You disband warriors to finish this thread

978 – You feel that Darwin was responsible for building the Hoover dam…

979 – Your girlfriend emails you her picture and you click SHIFT-U on it

980 – You frantically scroll through these pages looking for uncounted posts so you can set the numbers forward twenty times

981 – You drive past a construction site screaming “worker dogpile! worker dogpile!”

982 – You bring spice to a pawn shop hoping to trade it for gems.

983 – Your teacher asks if you have read the Three musketeers and you say, sir we have not a single musketeer that can be upgraded

984 – You edit your civ game so that the Military advisor has some genuine choice words for you when their SDI shoots your missile down

985 – You post this now to make sure nobody has put it over the top yet (I know this is a cheap excuse for a sign)

986- You are shocked when you find a city on a mountain and you ask the mayor what mod he is using

987- You cancel doctor’s appointments to play Civ3

988- you wonder where the grid lines are when you look out the airplane window

989- you explain to your economics class that the only way to bring the deficit down is to cut back on entertainment and or science (when it is really education and health care that get the axe)

990- you think that Africa only had two civilizations (or one if you haven’t learned that Egypt is in Africa yet)

991- you think that South America has had no civilizations

992- You are actually just the opposite of the last two posts, you are very informed because you read the history threads

993- you pop rush your breakfast so you can start playing

994- you are confused about why there was anarchy in Afghanistan when the Taliban were a religious civ until you realize…

995 they were barbarians!

996 you feel the 100th post coming and the rush is just like when you have 99999 culture points or the last spaceship part is one turn away

997 You fear that someone else will post while you are writing this and you shudder at the potential recount

998 you pretend you are not going to post but Sir Jethro says “we know of your treachery against the French!”

999 hbdragon88 starts to make sense to you ( I would wink if I wasn’t on quick reply, hb)

and post 1000- The REAL REASON you know you have been playing Civ3 too much: You didn’t post on this thread!!!!

post 1001 you read this list to the end and STILL couldn’t resist adding another one…

1002 :deadhorse:


Last poster:
[Post 544] – Author: Sultan Bhargash – Date : Oct 19, 2002 06:06 AM

Thanks to all the posters in this thread and Portuguese for compiling the list! 😉